Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Loose Resolutions

I am not a stickler for New Year's resolutions.

But I use to be. In fact, much of my early teens to mid twenties saw me writing out specific lists of that which I wished to improve, accomplish, avoid, complete, or seek in life. In one year, starting January first (Probably something I saw on Sex in the City, and thought brilliant)

These past few years, however, that tradition (along with many others) simply dissolved because I hadn't the energy (nor the time) to devote to steady personal growth or self consideration in the least. With the babies, I didn't have time to "get ready," take an hour at the gym, to scour a book store, or see a movie -- Which is not to say I was without rewards -- being a stay at home mom is one of the best gifts I've been given in life, but, it is also far tougher than I ever imagined. As much as I adore spending every waking minute tending to these bright, boisterous boys, the past two years have been downright exhausting. So much so that I felt like our daily grind revolved strictly around basic survival mechanisms. In other words, get them fed, keep them clean, and try and squeeze in everything you know your children deserve in between. Which, is A LOT. Wake up and do it all over again.

But then, suddenly, it gets a little easier.
As of now, Arlo is in school half the day, Leon is potty trained and Rex is... um, still really wild but at least now he can kind of decipher REALLY dangerous from not so dangerous stunts. And he has a good imagination, so he plays well. Meaning for the first time in quite some time, I've had time to think about what I'd like 2012 to mean for me, as well as "us"  I didn't make a list or broadcast to friends, but I did think about it in weeks leading up and even now, mid-way through January. So far, simple things like reading again at night no matter how much laundry is waiting, or running in the evening even though I know groceries are low or homework untouched. It means taking a bath in the morning despite the chaos that ensues outside the door, making myself breakfast, taking a nap if I need it and not feeling guilty, or getting myself ready with the same care I take on everyone else when we have someplace to be. Easier said than done. But I resolve to try.

And past experiences remind me that loose resolutions seem to work out best anyway.


So here's to taking time for yourself. As a mother and an individual. To learn, seek, wander and relax again. They say old habits die hard. Let's hope they're right. 

xx
J


7 comments:

  1. oh so true! i'm glad it's getting easier for you. having them that close together i know is hard. taking time for yourself is a must and i think you'll pull it off. :D as for me...

    i was just going to ask you if leon was potty trained yet. this is shane's 3rd day in underwear and he's doing good but he hasn't pooped yet :O

    hope to see you soon! i think i always say that. oh well, i mean it :D

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  2. It is such a dilemma I find, and the guilt is crazy, even though I know in my heart that I NEED to take time for myself. I find I am happier, more engaged with my boys, and actually get sick less when I take some time for myself. It's kind of like a personal investment, you know? Invest in sanity, saving mental health! We are so on the same page, sista!

    You are gorgeous, by the way!

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  3. Good for you!!! I'm liking the ease with which your are approaching this. Cool if they come to pass and if not... ok, try later! (cute shots too).
    I didn't even make any resolutions yet since my only one last year was to read a couple of books and I didn't get through those all the way----almost though. I feel like I'm treading water right now :( This too shall pass...
    Happy Wednesday

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  4. beautiful. i think mamas who take some time for themselves and stay true to themselves instead of engaging in the myth that mothers are all-giving and selfless, end up being the best most vivid and healthy and loving mothers possible. i love your philosophy, and your approach to mothering your rad sons. Happy 2012!!!

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  5. "at least now he can kind of decipher REALLY dangerous from not so dangerous stunts" I remember when this point came with my son. It just sort of crept up on me. Now he can be left alone with his big sister for whole spans of time without endangering his life. Ahhh, bliss.

    I didn't write a new year list, either. I beat myself up too much about stuff I should be better at. Devoted mother is enough.
    By the way- you are goooooorgeous, sister.

    XO,
    Crystal

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  6. Gorgeous post that speaks to many mummas I think. Like the way you say things dissolve when there's no time/energy.
    So true. Sorry it's been a while between visits. Not alot of online time atm :)
    ps beautiful selfie shots Jess

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  7. Sounds like there's even more beauty in store for you. Here, here!

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