But I use to be. In fact, much of my early teens to mid twenties saw me writing out specific lists of that which I wished to improve, accomplish, avoid, complete, or seek in life. In one year, starting January first (Probably something I saw on Sex in the City, and thought brilliant)
These past few years, however, that tradition (along with many others) simply dissolved because I hadn't the energy (nor the time) to devote to steady personal growth or self consideration in the least. With the babies, I didn't have time to "get ready," take an hour at the gym, to scour a book store, or see a movie -- Which is not to say I was without rewards -- being a stay at home mom is one of the best gifts I've been given in life, but, it is also far tougher than I ever imagined. As much as I adore spending every waking minute tending to these bright, boisterous boys, the past two years have been downright exhausting. So much so that I felt like our daily grind revolved strictly around basic survival mechanisms. In other words, get them fed, keep them clean, and try and squeeze in everything you know your children deserve in between. Which, is A LOT. Wake up and do it all over again.
But then, suddenly, it gets a little easier.
As of now, Arlo is in school half the day, Leon is potty trained and Rex is... um, still really wild but at least now he can kind of decipher REALLY dangerous from not so dangerous stunts. And he has a good imagination, so he plays well. Meaning for the first time in quite some time, I've had time to think about what I'd like 2012 to mean for me, as well as "us" I didn't make a list or broadcast to friends, but I did think about it in weeks leading up and even now, mid-way through January. So far, simple things like reading again at night no matter how much laundry is waiting, or running in the evening even though I know groceries are low or homework untouched. It means taking a bath in the morning despite the chaos that ensues outside the door, making myself breakfast, taking a nap if I need it and not feeling guilty, or getting myself ready with the same care I take on everyone else when we have someplace to be. Easier said than done. But I resolve to try.
And past experiences remind me that loose resolutions seem to work out best anyway.
So here's to taking time for yourself. As a mother and an individual. To learn, seek, wander and relax again. They say old habits die hard. Let's hope they're right.