I have been feeling oddly uninspired here on this little blog of mine. And blogs in general for that matter. A slipping interest I noticed happening over the past few months or so. I figured it would surely pass, as it usually does. But. It hasn't.
Last weekend, while sitting with friends on the beach at sunset I realized something that still bothers me today - the realization that as this big electric sun was falling into the horizon setting the sky ablaze with neon streaks above the ocean, I was far more concerned with wanting to capture the moment for a thousand strangers to see (via Instagram) rather than simply digesting it for myself, the way I have so many times before, in years past when camera phones and Istagram did not exist. I actually didn't have my phone handy, so it hurt a bit to let it go "unnoticed" even if I was there as enchanted witness in my own right.
It got me thinking...
So much in my life connected with the Internet these days is starting to propped, forced, or downright false in nature. Thing is, I need to be here, we're in the midst of creating a business that thrives online, a business I find exciting and fulfilling in every aspect, and one that obviously requires it's fair share of Internet support and consideration to fully evolve, but I'm wondering how to go about it with some kind of tact and integrity, that doesn't get on my nerves (or worse, everybody else's) because lately, seems everywhere I turn someone is selling something: themselves, their craft, a new business venture, ect, and it's really starting to wear on me. Be it glorified family life or a newly crafted creation, it's hard to find anything that looks and feels genuine to the core anymore as far as blogs go.
And, is that even possible?
Obviously those of us who keep personal blogs have an innate sense of image we wish to cultivate in this weird little cyber world, where there are egos involved and politics at play and all the stuff that will ultimately undermine pure, raw creative intentions, and I get it. I'm not excluded myself in the least, I'm simply saying that I think I need to take more time and consideration as to what I want this space to be. What I post, what I share and how I do it so that I don't give up on the blog all together seeing that that's really my only other option.
I try to remind myself of my initial reasons for starting the blog: to share the beauty in my daily life as a stay at home mother getting use to life in a suburban household caring for these three wild boys when just before this suburban settlement, I was in college, studying to be an English teacher, which meant I was consumed with mind altering books and fiery conversations with passionate people about art and politics. A constant state of inspiration rooted in new knowledge and fine texts. I loved it. The blog was my way of keeping a creative outlet flowing. In some way or another. I have always taken pictures of my family and made videos of our lives, now I had a place to share them with an incredibly supportive group of like minded folks in the same stage of life. Overall, it's been a perfectly happy spot. I just have to figure out how to keep it that way.
From now on I might take some time to figure it all out. I am not feeling especially eager lately about documenting every aspect of our family and our highlights so I might be more sporadic in my postings and maybe even more wordy(!) - seeing that until now, I've never really taken the time to actually "Write," like I love, figuring the images spoke for me. We'll see.
Hopefully my mid-day rambles don't make you cringe. Not at all my intention. I just thought voicing these new concerns might help me work through them in some way so that I can continue to care about this space they way I always have.
Thanks you kindly for listening.
noted inspiration and big thanks to these always eloquent gals and theses posts for making me "think it over"// Milla & Naurnie