Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Mom Stays in the Picture

Recently a good friend of mine sent a sweet text saying how much she had enjoyed seeing my fall photos on facebook recently but mentioned what a shame it was that I was not actually in any single one of them. When I browsed through my library to check this out as a whole I realized she was indeed right. It made me immediately kind of sad that I hadn't realized it had stopped occurring to me to include myself in much of anything we do these days. That I was missing in nearly all our fun-filled weekends and school fields trips, or holiday events we had experienced as a family. An invisible force behind the ever loving lens of documentation. Without so much as a single shot of me making the brownies they devoured at those school festivals, the sewing (or, let's be honest, glue gunning construction) of all those costumes that won them awards, the school projects and class parties I helped oversee. The crafts I prepared and the books I read them. In other words, zero proof of the everyday contributions I put in to in regards to all they will hopefully cherish down the line from this point in their childhood. And it was in fact a real "shame"to admit. 

Unfortunately, I know this to be the plight of so many other mothers (Or fathers depending on who wears the role as designated family photographer) In most cases it's one or the other, right? The complaints are common: "they won't even know they had a mother on vacation with them!" or "you'd think they were raised by a crafty single father" - all of which I never paid much mind to until I realized this had become our very situation. The less effort I put into including myself, the less they will likely remember about little aspects of my time with them during these years. Silly things like the way I dressed, or the things I failed at and some others that made them proud. Which is why from now on I vow to put in more of an effort to make myself a priority. To force myself to count just as much as everybody else. To remember to ask Mike, or Arlo, or a stranger on the beach for that matter to snap a photo of me, with them . . .  of us all. 

Because when it all comes down to it, they boys deserve to remember their mother just as much as I do them, and these fleeting times together as a loving, growing family of five. 







Photos above taken by my talented friend, Denise Bovee. 

Pulling off sandy wet pants for him to venture into an endless ocean in his brother's underwear, just as the sun was falling away and the surf was picking up. 

- san onofre st beach, august, 2013


14 comments:

  1. Oh girl, I can so relate to this. I'm horribly judgemental of myself in photos too, which makes it even harder to insist that Willy snap a few shots with me in them. I have countless sweet moments captured of Willy snuggling with one or both of our boys but hardly any of them with myself. In any case, I totally feel ya. It's been on my long running list in my head to get better at setting up self timer shots, with the intention of - dare I say - capturing all of us together. In any event, I can't wait to help you out with your *problem*. Love these images.

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    1. and you are the best "solution" I can think of Ashely :)

      xox
      J

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  2. I have a some of Ashley's hang ups. Even when i do get in the picture, I pick myself apart way more than I would A) pick myself apart in a mirror, B) pick ANYONE else apart. My kids won't look back at pictures and think, "hey, look at mom's double chin." They'll just be looking at someone laughing heartily and enjoying life with them.
    I'm gettin' in some pictures this month, damn it! Double chin be damned.

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    1. yah, I'm glad I'm not the only one guilty of that. I look at the few photos mike does take and think "Oh no! That's awful!" and yet, looking back, years later at the ones I hated way back when, I actually love now.

      Women, we can be so silly sometimes.

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  3. I for one would love to see your sweet mug more!
    I have no solutions for the practical side of it, but I totally used to feel so awkward in photos, in fact still do if anyone but my trusty tripod takes them. However one of the perks of blogging (and actually one of the minor reasons I started the whole hobby of online publishing) has been that I've gotten better at it. I sometimes now take a totally decent holiday snap shot, or Christmas family photo ;)
    These images are so beautiful.

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    1. so you do you use your tripod frequently then Milla? Your photos of you I love because you always look natural, unposed and beautiful. I'm so taking notes.

      Just added 'tripod' to the Christmas list :)

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    2. Yep! I mostly use the tripod, whenever you see awkward shots of me from a funny angle and crazy face know that C. took those. I'm also terrible at smiling in group shots etc. I'm so posed and have lots outtakes and am good at selfless. Busted! ;)

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  4. Love all of this. It's my plight as well. Occasionally I ask to be included in a photo here or there, but I'd like to make a better effort to be mom in the picture more often.

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  5. well, i'm glad to hear this! as much as i love seeing photos of kids, i always want to see the adults as well. it does take extra effort to ask someone to take your photo but it's so worth it. i always have alex or shane do it for me if ruben is not around, it's pretty easy to be natural in front of them. i use to have a tripod and i liked that as well. anyway, i look forward to seeing more of you!

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  6. So true - I'm trying to be more mindful of this lately too. I always love to look back at pictures of my mom and grandmother, so I should make sure that my kids have that chance too.

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  7. Great reminder! Trying to include myself more but it feels so forced sometimes. And then when my hubs takes a photo , I critique the quality and we all end up frustrated. Ugh. But I'll keep trying. Glad you are too.

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  8. Yes! This is so important!! Photos of us enjoying these times with our children are like saving these days in a bottle to open and enjoy each and every time they are looked at. I always feel kind of weird handing the camera over to my husband and saying take a photo of Logan and I. Like I'm vain for even asking but it's not that, it's so Logan has these times to look back on him and his mama. I treasure the photos I have with my parents so much more than just the photos of me by myself. I know that one day, Logan will too. So glad we will be seeing more of your beautiful face!

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