Things I Am Guilty Of

This summer so far. 

1. Of misplacing one flip to nearly every flop in this house.

2. Of using old coffee as iced coffee, because, summer.

3. Of researching - in depth - the possibility of deadly parasites appearing in fresh water swimming holes and causing brain erosions after every one we've visited, or thought about visiting thus far.

4. Of informing the boys that, without a doubt, THIS is one of the top five songs of all time. Then  playing it 67 times in a locked and barely moving car until they all agreed.

5. Of eating, what could be argued as more than half a bag of Jalapeno chips for breakfast at least once this month blaming the general notion of: "stress."

6. Of feeding Jack what's left in our fridge when his "real" food runs out. For a little longer than I am ever willing to admit.

7. Of replacing real feelings of failure in realizing just how little of the alphabet Rex actually recognizes, with a new sense of pride in seeing that he holds a 89 percent success rate in deciphering whether it's John or Paul signing in every Beatles song I quiz him on. Assuring me that, at the end of the day, even if he mistakes a B for K, and still fails at naming a few of his basic primary shapes, it's not like he doesn't know things.

8. Of stretching the truth a bit about Kurt Cobain wearing Birkenstocks on the Weekends when no cameras were around to rightfully document it, to help Rex better embrace the pair I bought for him and cannot return. So far, so good. And really, there's no way of knowing he didn't own a pair at some point in the 90s. Though Rex may have been promised some kind of video evidence of it in the very near future.

9. Of scouring weird corners of geeky Internet chat rooms late at night trying to unearth sustainable evidence that John Snow is not in fact actually dead.

10. Of taking special care to explain the often complex branches of how extended family works to Arlo in a long car ride home from the beach. Then taking the exact same care while explaining the basis of Game of Thrones to a friend who stated, rather plainly after my skillfully threaded, long winded plot reconstruction, that she isn't actually ever planning on watching it.

11. Of realizing way too late that I was the only one in the room watching a whole episode of Uncle Grandpa. The one where the evil wizard goes to yoga? Then following it up with two episodes of The Kardashians. And wound up feeling even worse.

12. Of making up parts of nursery Rhymes because it doesn't seem like Hayes knows (or cares) too much about logistics yet.

13. Of forcing the boys to hug each other after fights. Just because it's cute.

14. Of rewashing laundry loads regularly to help mask the scent of the dreaded mildew stench that always gives away your dirty little secret, instead of actually paying closer attention to the cycle and pulling them out and placing them, one foot away, in a big working dryer.

15. Of briefly considering beer before coffee on more mornings than not.

16. Of already feeling almost the same way about days remaining till "back to school" as I did about the end of the year, almost summer "can't wait!" countdown.

17. Of keeping a few rotten bananas on hand in a separate fruit bin just in case I finally find the energy to actually make the banana bread I'm always telling everyone about.

18. Of checking the car randomly throughout the day to ensure no one got mistakenly stuck in there in the peak of such brutal heat, while scavenging the backseats out of sheer boredom looking for a long forgotten starburst or stick of strawberry gum they suddenly remembered during the hours I place a ban on TV.

19. Of lying to them about movie times. On days when I really can't stomach another cheesy kid flick even in light of super powered air conditioning.

20. Of carrying a book (my designated summer read) in my purse for almost two months which I've yet to open. Fully refusing to face the sad fact that if, and when a lasting sense of peace and quiet ever finds me, I'll be way too tired to use it wisely and probably opt for a long nap instead.

21. Of wearing pajamas out in public because at a certain point the line between sundresses and nightgowns only continued to fade.

22. Of feeling exactly like THIS, every day of summer so far.

23. Of pretending to know all about the history behind The Easter Islands in front of Arlo when he asked, because I couldn't bear to tell him I had no clue and just assumed the term was the name of some kind of great classic novel all these years.

24. Of reusing a swim diaper on more than one occasion, to get my full money's worth, when or course, circumstances allow for it.

25. Of always leaning on the same threat - to stop buying Popsicles - if they don't listen and just do what I say. Which, sadly, doesn't seem to be working as great as it use to.  .  .

26. Of failing one of my motherly duties that is to talk your kid out of wearing a thick black knit beanie in 95 degree temps because, in the midst of his new grunge obsessed fashion phase, because he just looked too darn cute.

27. Of throwing away a couple still usable beach towels simply due to the fact that they were so, damn, ugly. Even when folded and hardly visible buried at the bottom of my even uglier plastic laundry basket.

28. Of not knowing how to properly handle Leon wondering a little too loud, why not all babies are as "cute" as Hayes in the line at Rite Aid. In front of two mothers holding what some (especially sweetly biased brothers) might deem slightly less "cute" offspring.

29. Of passionately encouraging all mid afternoon art endeavors because it keeps them cheaply, quietly entertained and, in turn, gives me a chance to actually get things done. Even when the results of such creativity exists in the form of "death pictures" showing men being half eaten by crayola  sharks, or falling off of tall mountains onto sharp and jagged shorelines. I keep encouraging more rainbows, but you can only do so much by way of suggestion when it comes to the heart of inspiration I'm learning.

30. And lastly, of feeling really sorry for myself on the nights I make the mistake of thinking someone in the house might greet news of something like a new Princess Diana Doc. with the same enthusiasm they save for gross reptile, or Easter Island documentaries their farther finds.