Thursday, January 14, 2016

Overheard



"I ran out of room, because there's too many people in our family" - Rex, explaining why his hand drawn family portrait only shows four boys and one tall boy with a skateboard (Dad) and no mom. Because if you're running low on space, cutting the one who gave birth to you makes the most sense. Apparently ... (also, your dad doesn't even skate)


"But what world is coming after this one?" - Leon's second question, post solar system lecture at the science center. Followed by wondering if people who are gluten free on earth, remain GF in space. Because if there are two things Leon is stuck on it's the world ending, and new ways around life without buttermilk pancakes.


"Fixing a broken pipe 30 feet above ground on a sketchy ladder. I bought four powerball tickets. If I win and fall they are on my dashboard." - last night's text from Mike, who I am happy made it safely off the ladder. (But sad to report no need for either of us to claim the billion dollar lotto)


"Who DID this?" - Rex, furious & seeking revenge over finding a bad quality 8 by 12 photo of himself as a baby in the trash. Again.


"I'm telling everyone!" - Leon, overhearing Arlo singing along to a Taylor Swift song.


"We ARE taking turns! It goes: me, arlo, me, arlo, me, arlo, Leon. - Rex, answering my questioning how they were keeping things balanced during indoor basketball hoop shots.


"I'm not telling you her name because I know you'll embarrass me." - Arlo, on his newest crush


"FIONA" - Leon, spilling the beans soon as Arlo got out of the car.


"Turn it back, that's my song" -Arlo, referring to Drake's "cell phone."


"That's just the code for my Twitter account." - Arlo, hearing my cell phone chime, mistakenly under the impression that he was somehow now old enough to tweet.


"Yah, it's from a far away place you never heard of called "SWEEE - DEN." - Leon, in reference to his candle lined paper Christmas hat he made at school when he learned about exotic foreign places that his poor uncultured mother could have never possibly heard of.


I think I'm addicted to Christmas. - Leon, getting real about his festive tendencies.


"You BETTER pay him back." - Rex, seeing me pull cash from Mike's wallet.


"Puta, Puta!" - One of four phrases Hayes repeats regularly. Surely it means something else but sounds exactly, very clearly, just like it's spelled. Unfortunately.
Woof Woof, Ho Ho Ho, and Moon are much more my favorite, especially in public.


"Well, I lost a LOT of friends today." - Rex, on a Monday when I dare ask how his school day went.


"Rich and famous." - Rex, this month, on what he wants to be when he grows up. (Cringe)


"Mother! Tell your children not to come or walk or talk this way!" - New (semi original) song written and performed by Rex and Arlo on the stairs, with remaining lyrics I didn't quite catch.


"Doing his sit ups." - Leon, on what Arlo was doing when I asked. Referring to his brother's long term dedication to the same quest he's been on since he was about four, to have and sport a "six pack."


"YAS QUEEN." - How Leon has been responding to Rex all week after seeing a meme three days ago, which, as you can imagine, does not go over very well with him. *


"You better not eat anything here. My mom says you eat all our food and drink all her wine." - Rex, to Denise (who doesn't even like wine) when she was watching them at my house this week. Which I never said. And makes terrified to stop and consider all the things he must tell people that I'll never know about. And guarding my wine? (Cringe)


"Rex." - Leon, genuinely worried after telling me that Rex informed him that he actually got "Kicked out" of the family. When I said "That's silly Leon. Who kicked you out?"


"I told her you take pictures of pillows, and um, food, and stuff." - Leon, recounting an explanation he gave to a teacher wondering what his mother did for a living.


"No you're not. You're going to sit here and play with me." - Rex to Leon when he said he was going to go outside for a minute.


"I don't want to go to school today because my hair feels too long!" - Leon, being Leon.


"Oh yah, I remember that. Sitting on the carpet. And signing those songs." Leon, reminsing fond memories as a kindergartener, one whole year ago, to Rex who wasn't listening.


"But everyone knows he loves me the best, right Mom?" - Rex about Hayes. #Truth.


"No, I changed it. For a surf party." - Rex, insistent on changing his Winter birthday date, to a Summer month to allow for more stellar party possibilities. Which I shrugged off until I saw hand drawn invitations showing him on a long board with sunglasses on.


"Cole doesn't even have abs OR muscles. He's just the funniest person in class." - Arlo, this morning on his new nemesis "Cole," who evidently shares the same feelings for "Fiona" (Arlo's secret crush) and has nothing going for him other than "personality."


"Hide it. She'll throw it away." Rex to Leon, finding an old drawing of his in the backyard.


"Just use your imagination!" Rex, consistently annoyed over Leon wanting to follow directions during their joint Lego constructions.


"We are spys! With missions to solve everyday. We get clues and we figure out all the big mysteries." - Celeste, sweet leader of Leon's lunchtime friend group, in response to me stumbling upon them at recess and asking what they play during their lunch hour.


"You're lucky, mom. Because now I actually want to take showers every day AND brush my teeth." - - Arlo, to me referring to the perks of puppy love.


"See, Leon. Evel Knieval lived with all of these dinosaurs." - Rex, in a rare moment of stillness, browsing a book and playing professor to Leon in explaining the chronological history of evolution. With usual, reckless abandon.


"Darth Vader?" - Leon, quick to respond when Mike started with "Do you know who Rex really looks like?" to me about someone from the cast of Star Wars on their return home from the showing.


"It's ok. Just go. I'll watch him. What time does he go to bed? After Spongebob? Actually I'm just going to let him stay up." - Rex, assuring me I could run to the store while he held down the fort and baby sat little Hayes. Which I was tempted to pretend to do, just to watch from the window panes, as I'm sure pure madness would unfold.


"In the beginning we were friends! You came out and said "let's have good times together!" then grew up and said "Rex, you're my worst enemy!" - Rex, is his typical (over dramatized) recounts of their life's beginnings, in which he's somehow along the way managed to convince Leon that he was there to document it all even though he's technically 16 months younger than him.
But who am I to meddle?


*possibly my fault. 

20 comments:

  1. Oh my word. DYING. These are so, SO FUNNY. Thanks for sharing your wonderful, funny kids with us!

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  2. These are hilarious!! I especially like the explanation of what you do for a living and "don't eat or drink any of our wine!" Makes me wonder what little gems my boys are putting out there about me.

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    1. they always say something weird when people ask what their mom does. Makes me wonder what they think they're dad does...?

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  3. This is probably not something you should read in class. I couldn't stop laughing, especially at the Sweden," cut out of the family", and taking "pictures of pillows" remarks. Too funny. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. My favorite is, 'Hide it. She'll throw it away.'- I actually laughed out loud. My boys can so relate to that one.

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    1. It's so hard with so many kids, knowing what to keep and what not :(

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    2. I used to take things straight to the thrift store without permission. Then one day we were shopping there (we were living in a small town) and my daughter yells at me, "This is MY SHIRT!" The lady let her take it back. So then I started hiding things - even my husband's things sometimes - so that if I felt especially guilty about them "not being able to find it" then I could miraculously make it turn up. Then I'd be the hero - ha ha ha. Until they figured out that I was the one hiding stuff... I just can't win.

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  5. this was awesome- reminds me so much of another's woman's side blog about overhearing her kids - http://widdleandpukesaid.tumblr.com/ it's awesome. 4 year old twin girls, living in Scotland. xx

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    1. how fun! I'll check that out Catty, thanks.

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  6. These are just the best! Seriously, laugh out loud. Always inspires me to do better in jotting down the talk swirling around my house. Thank you! Yas queen

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  7. Yas queen!
    Your 'overheard' posts are one of my faves! Always crack me up!
    Also, I just spent a large chunk of my evening watching Broad City clips. Lol! So thanks!

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    1. I could lay in bed all day with The Broad City gals. SO, Ridiculously funny those two.

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  8. http://www.loveandzest.com/2014/09/best-pancakes-ever-seriously-gluten-free-buttermilk-pancakes.html
    and they are jummy.... :-)

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  9. Catching up on your blog. This was my favourite recent post. Laughing while enjoying a naptime cup of coffee.
    In college we had a huge white board where we would write funny quotes overheard from our 7 house mates. You can imagine...

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    1. hah! Glad you enjoyed it Liz. What a brilliant idea. Keeping quotes from the housemates. I swear, keeping notes on most anybody can be good fun though to read and reflect on later down the road.

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  10. I just stumbled across your blog, and oh my goodness I was dying laughing at this post! Especially the "YAS QUEEN" since the 7 year old I babysit for yelled that in the checkout line at the grocery store yesterday.... causing quite a few amused grins.

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