A Collection of Conversations Overhead
"Wow. He's like a regular person now."
- Rex, in response to seeing Hayes eating cereal. With a spoon. Like a civilized human. Instead of a puppy.
"He's selling secrets. His are 22 dollars and mine are 20."
- Leon, informing me of Rex's new blackmarket shrilling of secrets.
Of which I was slightly temped. Even at these inflated price.
"Don't EVER do that again."
- Arlo, regarding my tendency to sometimes unleash mad rap flow when his friends are in the car.
"I'm just waiting for the sun to change . . ."
- Leon, out the window in the car, patiently awaiting the slow glory of Day Light's saving.
"Yah my teacher loved my haircut. Her loved it so much she couldn't stop laughing. I took off my beanie and she started laughing. My hair makes her happy."
- Rex, regarding his atrocious haircut (or butchering rather, of his bangs) recounting his teacher's shock when he took off his hat and she erupted in laughter. For the record, I talked to her afterwards and she wasn't laughing because she loved it. She was laughing because screaming was the more disruptive option.
- Rex wrongly informing his teacher of WHO was responsible for his new cut.
"I feel like I'm about to wear a leather jacket"
- Leon, fantasizing about looking like a "motorcycle guy" even though he's still too scared to ride a bike and can hardly stand the idea of a shirt with long sleeves. Let alone a material that makes noise when it moves. But hey, a boy can dream right?
"Dad said he thinks Donald Trump is kind of funny he said but not to tell you."
- Arlo, spilling secrets for free.
"Why do people smoke out of their nose?"
- Leon, in classic Leon observation.
"He's not that smart but he's funny."
- Rex, introducing Hayes to his newest playdate.
"You gotta learn to fight back Leon!!!"
- Arlo, to Leon, being bullied by Hayes :(
"Oh I have friends. I have lots of friends. Sit down. Cause now I'm going to tell you ALL about every, single, one of them."
- Me, as punishment for Rex who claimed no one likes me because I don't give people desert for breakfast and I'm always trying to make everyone take a bath. Point being: the reason I don't have any friends. In case anyone was wondering.
- Rex, to Arlo's friend Jamal who was trying to see if Rex could help him figure out who his little brother had a crush on in class with the only hint being "a name that started with a T." Never mind the fact of both a Tiffany and a Taylor in their kindergarten class as well.
"Nope. It's hair. Girls always talk about hair."
- London, Arlo's cousin and best friend in a conversation that asked "what do you think is the most important thing girls care about?" To which Arlo sadly guessed, "Personality?"
"Your life is not my life, Arlo"
- Leon, dramatically. In wanting a different cereal.
"Sooooo, where's the monkey, Arlo?"
- Neighbor kid teasing Arlo who was a little too quick to brag about an exotic monkey his dad was trying to buy on Craigslist which turned out to be a false ad and left both Mike and Arlo a little blue because they had already intricately envisioned him cruising around the beach in the bus with them wearing denim coveralls and working a cotton candy machine on the sand in the summer months.
(I know. I don't know ... )
"No. I can barely get them to school at this point"
- A casting director who asked me point blank on a phone call if I wanted my children to "be famous" and if I had any kind of "stage mom tendencies" I might care to share with him.
"It's yellow. And it's see through. And crashing like a big wave, Leon."
- Rex, poetically and with hand gestures describing Donald Trump's hairdo to Leon in bed on a Tuesday after a family hour spent with CNN.
"Darn it!!! I can't remember what color Journey's eyes are!"
- Leon, frustrated to the point of tears while making a portrait of his love after school last week.
"Mom, can you tell Rex to stop trying to telling my secrets at school!!?!"
- Arlo, vs. Rex. Per usual.
"He has more sixth grader friends than I do."
- Arlo, taking about Rex. Who seems to be quite popular with the "big kids" due to his regular after school dare devil antics (and whatever else he does that I don't care (or dare) fully investigate)
"He just looked like he belonged there. I mean, he even had his sweater draped over one shoulder."
- Parent who spotted Rex on the Friday he decided to walk home on his own. Even though he had seen and bypassed me in front of the office waiting for the other boys. And who caused a small ruckus on campus with faculty trying to figure out where he went. As well as a brief breakdown in front of two principals that had me in tears swearing he is the only one taking years off my life. "The other ones I can handle!!!" Is all I remember saying.
"She got sprinkles on her face like Arlo and she eats cupcakes all the time"
- Rex, announcing news of his first crush. Who's "sprinkles" I learned are actually freckles, and who's name he can't ever seem to remember but can recall in vivid detail the flavor, shape and color of every cupcake she's ever eaten.
"Feel like I got stabbed in the stomach with a knife and it's filling up with blood"
- Rex, taking a note from the previous day where a stomach ache got one brother a free ticket out of a school day. But with some added (violent) flare.