Thursday, June 9, 2016

Overheard



"You're mama so old her first Christmas WAS the first Christmas"
- Arlo's introduction into "Your Mama" jokes. Which somehow I didn't see coming.

"I told her you forgot we had school"
- Rex, on what he told his teacher about why he missed a day of school recently.

"She was nice about it. She just said she doesn't really want a boyfriend right now."
- Arlo, explaining the unfortunate response to him finally being brave enough to ask the girl out that he's been crushing on all year.

"He wants it. He gots it."
- Rex, thug like in response to us inquiring about how Hayes keeps mysteriously escaping his crib during naps lately. In addition to sporting purple markered tattoos of mean looking robots on his right hand. Which no one is claiming responsibility for either.

"Technically I'll be done after this but technically I still have two pages left. "
- Leon, technically fond of a newly gleaned third grade vocabulary word he learned last week.

"You guys are acting like I want to join a war or something."
- Arlo, regarding our notably underwhelming response to him announcing that he wanted to join flag football. Flashback to our less than stellar role as "sports parents" two years ago when he played little league. Remembering how we were late a lot, and under the silly impression that it was all about having "a good time" out there. And had a generally tough time fitting in with the hard core baseball loving folks sitting beside us every weekend.

"Look. I built a wall so the other kids can't come in."
- Rex, taking the Trump route in securing the confines of his playhouse against unwanted play guests that come constantly seeking a next turn on the attached zipline by stringing a complex rope contraction "wall" around it's small gleaming entrance.

"I told her we don't have any books."
- Rex, on what he told his teacher when she asked if we were keeping up on nightly reading.

"Who's going to catch me though?"
- Leon, wondering about the scenario I told him for a video he was to take part in that called for a center shot of him cannonballing into a pool. After much debate he agreed he would try it. But only if it took place in a spa. And someone in the spa was there, ready to catch.

"Nah, black kids don't play those games, bro."
- Jamal, Arlo's best friend quick to back out of an air soft gun war waged on the culdesac using slightly realistic looking warfare. Arlo, solving it the best way he knew how, traded him a bright orange nerf firearm that screamed "I'm Just a Toy. Please Don't Shoot" to avoid any harmful confusion. Hashtags: #depressingdayinparenthood #depressingtimeinsociety

"Donald Trump RULES!"
- Rex, young, rebellious and mistaken.

"Who cares Arlo, cause her is, SO ugly."
- Rex, in abrasive attempt to comfort his older brother who's mood appeared noticeably deflated after being turned down by his crush Fiona. Sadly, it didn't work.

"I told her you never teach me them."
- Rex, on what he told his teacher during the weekly site word quiz that he inevitably fails every time.

"Ok, but who' going to light the fireworks?"
- Leon, inquiring about the role of the firework guy in the punk bad his brothers are forever trying to ignite in conversations that usually include more talk than actual music.

"He's a tough baby. I pushed him on the floor, picked him up, pushed him down again and flipped him  but he just kept laughing."
- Rex, showing pride in Hayes who seems to willing and ready to participate in a daily hazing of sorts to stay on the inns of the fraternity style recklessness his brother is constantly unrolling.

"Your Mama so fat she walked past the T.V and we missed the whole episode."
- Rex, trying it out. Because if yo Mama is old, then she must be fat too. According to the rules of fourth grade recess humor.

"Did you know that my name means "KING?" And King wants to ride his bike to school today."
- King Rex, in creative attempt to win the battle about driving vs. biking to school on a Friday.

"Superman's dad!!!"
- Leon, claiming a most unique superhero role after all the other boys on the block snatched up Batman, Flash, Green Latern, Arrow and Superman on the count of 1, 2, 3. Because who better than to cook Superman pancakes and enforce curfews than Papa Leon?

"I have seven but one day I will have 45."
Leon, on smencil goals *pencils that come smelling like various sweets, that are a dollar a piece and all the rage since their PTA debut last week.

"You guys are acting like I want a tattoo!"
- Arlo, regarding our lack luster response to him requesting a pair of Nikes to ensure better sports mobility and potential.

"I told her you lost it."
- Rex, on the explanation he gave his teacher when she asked where his ever disappearing backpack was.

"Every time Leon walks into the cafeteria all the lunch ladies smile and give him cookies. Then when I come in they only ask if I'm in trouble again."
- Arlo, bitter over the reputation his wild parkour antics have afforded him.

"I told her you only give Arlo money to eat."
- Rex, on what he told the lunch lady when she politely asked if he had money for the slice of pizza he was walking away with.

"I'll sing like him if I wanna SING LIKE HIM!"
- Rex, answering back accusations that he's now ripping off Axel Rose in his singing voice these days.

"My bed is a cloud. A big, white, fluffy, cloud. " 
- Leon, to himself at night. In the dark, top bunk, in a dream like whisper sounding like his very own self help sleeptime narrator.

"It's a good thing he's too young to know that what she really means is that she just doesn't want HIM as her boyfriend. "
 - Mike, on Fiona's polite refusal. And Arlo's innocence being a short blessing now.

"Stop singing that ugly song, please mom. PLEASE?"
- Rex, on my Tracy Chapman sing a long on the way home from piano.

"If you wanna be in my man cave you bring some pretzels or something from your house, ok?"
- Rex instructing his friend Justin on how to enter the confines of his gentlemen's club under the stairs, where the pantry is, now lined with blinking Christmas lights, hidden fruit snack stockpiles, legos, a small American flag, and strobe light.

"Technically, that's not my tooth brush."
-Leon, speaking truth. Refusing to use his brothers.

"I'm not trying to be mean Arlo, but her really IS ugly."
-Rex, on Fiona. Second attempt, to no avail.

"Say goodbye to this place you guys. You'll never see it again."
- Mike, leaving our favorite Mexican restuarant after a parcicularly unpleasant family dining expereince.

"Do you have your own Instagram?"
- Arlo, small talk with a new girl / new crush at the bbq this past weekend. Hashtag: #movingon



12 comments:

  1. We've been deep in the "Yo Mama" phase for awhile now, until one day, feeling particularly sensitive, I pointed out that they both have the same Mama. They thought about this and quickly switched the format to "Yo Auntie" and carried on. A household favorite around here is, "Yo Mama so dumb, somebody told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it."

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  2. We've been deep in the "Yo Mama" phase for awhile now, until one day, feeling particularly sensitive, I pointed out that they both have the same Mama. They thought about this and quickly switched the format to "Yo Auntie" and carried on. A household favorite around here is, "Yo Mama so dumb, somebody told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it."

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    Replies
    1. That's a good one. I'll be sure and pass it along :)

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    2. That's a good one. I'll be sure and pass it along :)

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  3. omg i love these so much. i've been following you on instagram for a while now (since right before hayes was born!) love your crazy clan of boys to pieces, especially leon (of course -- also because i had a great-uncle leon!). thanks for sharing their hilarious world, especially in light of the heaviness around us all.

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  4. aw, man, i laughed at each one and then i got to the "black kids don't play those games" and my heart really did break a little bit. sigh.

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    1. Mine too. I think about it all the time actually. Mostly because I know this knowledge comes from heavy hearted conversations had at home. And it just shouldn't have to be . . .

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  5. #teamleonthomas and his big, white, fluffy, cloud bed.

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  6. Ha! So hilarious and endearing as always. I love these posts so much!

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  7. I needed this today,a good laugh. (aside from the harsh reality of Jamal's comment,:(

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  8. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I can watch the hottest virtual strippers on my taskbar.

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