A collection of conversational comments overheard
"This is John Lennon. See, he's the tall one."
- Rex, explaining the scene / individuals on the poster for Abby Road, which he bought for me with my money at his school book fair for 1$ because he knew it was a "collectible." Then hung in his room instead of mine.
"But I gave them a discount!?"
- Arlo, in response to the lecture he got for selling fidget spinners I BOUGHT to his brothers.
"Sit down. Be Humble."
- Me, Elevating Lamar's song to the title to that of my current parenting mantra.
"Yay!!! Me went pee pee!"
- Hayes, with clapping hands every time he puts on a new pair of big boy underwear and proceeds to pee IN them. Proving we both have different ideas as to what "go potty" "like a big boy" actually consists of.
"I can't wait to go."
- Arlo, on Cochella. After a stale description of the event by me failed to singe his interest.
"He seriously unfollowed me again over it."
- Me, to Mike in reference to another random scolding that prompted a swift unfollow by Rex that afternoon after he admitted (having been granted recent permission to set up his own private Instagram) that he unfollows me whenever I make him mad. Which is quite often.
"Can we just go somewhere we I can wear a Hawaiian shirt and sit in my own chair and drink juice from a coconut?"
- Leon's summer vacation request, prompted possibly by a Corona commercial?
"But she asked if I was hungry"
- Rex, on his teacher being concerned that he doesn't get enough food in his lunch. Because he told her so. Because he is determined to make me look like the flaky, forgetful and neglectful mother I'm (usually) not.
"She's pretty, but she's a feisty one!"
- Old women at Rite Aid about Hayes, holding a nerf gun aimed at her mid complement.
"Is this your boy?"
- Stranger at the Pine Derby Scout event last night who kindly guided a pantless Hayes (naked from the waist down) to me after he'd peed his pants and took them off near the bathroom all in the 5 minutes it took for me to cheer his brothers (who clearly needed all the support they could get after coming in last on every race) as he made his way across a crowded room all the way to me and Mike (who literally ran from us as both seeing his bare body headed for us) with the help of this kind woman.
"My Mom is prettiest when: She goes out to dinner with my dad."
- Leon's sweet mother's day school card complement.
"My mom is the best because: she is kind and puts up with all of us even though we can be a pain in the butt."
- Arlo's mother's day school card complement.
"My mom is good at: Making bean and cheese burritos."
- Rex's mother's day school card praise.
"I don't want to wear glasses anymore because they don't go with my hat."
- Leon, stoked on a new hat.
"Isn't all of it?"
- Mike, talking about my wardrobe in response to my shock in realizing the denim jumper I was wearing was actually maternity wear.
"I probably broke up with him because he made fun of Dylan, then married Mike because he looked like Dylan."
- My sentiments on finding a box of old photos. With a couple pics of boyfriends who did, and did not make the cut.
"I think - and just bare with me on this one - that it could also be that you have four kids?"
- A friend's two cents. In regards to my obsession with googling diseases linked to "excessive tiredness."
"Siri, what makes me love you?"
- Leon, and the Siri love affair saga continues.
"I need to give them back and tell her you didn't like them."
- Rex, on what he was going to tell his teacher when he returned the school photos I neglected to buy (again)
"I'm dead serious when I say it hurts to look at. Just giving you a heads up."
- Me, via text to my best friend as I was waking up to images of Trump, Palin, Kid Rock and Ted Nyugent locking arms in front of a portrait of Hillary at the white house.
"No, a boom to die people"
- Hayes, correcting my inquiry into what he built with his magna tiles. I guessed a boat. To "Sail" people.
"Look what I bought!"
- Rex, beaming over the new key chain (purchased from Arlo)
"Mom, did you ever use to work?"
"NO, PEE PEE, NO POO POO, IN, MY, BUTTT!!!"
- Hayes, top of his lungs to me in Trader Joes after asking if he needed to use the potty.
"But I feel like he would arrange the hotel and help me pick out a dress and stuff."
- My friend talking about her husband while entertaining brunch conversation pertaining to the the "Indecent Proposal" scenario to a table full of ladies who agreed.
"How is old is she?"
- Old man in line at Vons, pointing to Hayes in a ponytail holding a toy sword to my gut.